Flash marriages, followed by flash divorces has become a stigma of sorts for those born after 1980 in China. Statistics show that between 2008 and 2009, 6275 people in Shanghai’s Putuo District filed for divorce. Among them, 610 cases, or almost 10%, were of newly wed “post-80’s” couples. Since then, these figures have been on the rise, and experts predict that China is about to enter its fourth wave of high divorce rates. Below are a number of strange traits that have been associated with divorce cases of “post 80’s” couples.

1) Let the parents take care of it
The Shanghai Putuo District Mediation Board for Women and Children provided statistics which have left people wonder whether to laugh or cry: Out of all marriage mediation cases with “post 80’s” couples, over 90% were accompanied by the parents, and in many cases the parents would replace their children entirely in the mediation process. This phenomenon whereby the troubled couple call in their parents for back-up, are common methods used by “post 80’s” couples in dealing with marriage problems.

As the beloved “jewel” of the family, many parents of post 80’s kids take care of everything for them. This interference, together with over-the-top requirements and hopes in terms of education; too many restrictions and interference in terms of behaviour; and appeasing and giving too much in terms of needs, have been some of the reasons why post 80’s people are generally deemed to be squeamish and of poor character.

A survey carried out by Putuo District’s Chinese People's Political Consultative Committee shows that post 80’s men clearly lack independence. According to the survey, conflicts often arise because the wife accuses the husband of listening to his mother too much and hence is made feel like an outsider. It’s not uncommon for post 80’s wives to ask their husbands the following: “Who are you actually with, me or your mother?”

Post 80’s people love to run to their parents about every little matter, and these parents are more than happy take part in their children’s family affairs. One reason for this is that they are afraid their children will be unhappy; another reason is that they spent most of their life’s savings paying for the wedding of their only child and therefore inevitably keep a watchful eye on their son or daughter’s life.

2) Divorcing for trivial reasons
A very good family financial plan is interpreted as an attempt to control the family’s financial affairs; a plan to buy an electrical appliance turns into an argument about how to spend the family’s money…Putuo District’s Chinese People's Political Consultative Committee discovered that a large number of post 80’s couples get in a rage and divorce over small matters.

For many post 80’s couples, marriage is like a two-person world. Many don’t like the fact that their partner interferes in their former life, making them adapt a so-called “if worst comes to worst I’ll live alone” mentality. This mentality grows to the extent that little problems end up turning into major wounds. 

At the same time, because they lack experience living with others of their generation, many post-80’s people suffer from poor communication skills and this is another major reason why small conflicts evolve into large problems.

3) When the passion fades, so do the feelings
A recent survey has revealed that many young couples find it very difficult to keep the love going for more than 18 months. After marriage, when the honeymoon phase gradually fizzles out, all of the problems that passion had previously concealed, begin to surface. The survey clearly shows that the biggest problem faced by post-80’s newly weds, is getting used to their new role as husband or wife.

Many young people can’t handle the transition from dating to married life. After marriage, many relationships tend to become similar to that of brother and sister. But for these post-80’s only children, who have no experience living with siblings, this can be a very difficult transition to make.

4) The wife uses physical violence and the husband uses emotional abuse
Domestic violence amongst post-80’s couples is low. However, there is one strange phenomenon in China, namely that women cause physical harm more often than men, creating a situation whereby men are no fighting match for women.

At the same time, emotional violence among young families has been gradually on the rise, a weapon especially deployed by men. Only children have grown up in an environment where boys are favoured over girls, causing many boys to become “commanders” and not “doers”. Moreover, many girls have been raised as boys by their parents, creating girls with even stronger personalities than their male counterparts. Many of these girls later grow up to become “sassy girlfriends”.

Emotional violence can be attributed to two psychological states: the first is a desire to flea and a lack of willingness to face the problems or bear the responsibility; the second is emotionally compelling the other to take the initiative to walk out on the marriage.
 

Source: chinadaily.com.cn
 

Related links
Ten Cities with the Highest Divorce Rates in China
Unhappy Endings: How to Get a Divorce in China
The Divorce Act: Understanding Chinese Women

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Keywords: rising divorce rates post-80’s divorce rates China divorce wave China Divorce causes China