Taobao…it’s a wonderful place that’s become so embedded in our day-to-day lives that whenever someone asks a question about where to find something, nine times out of ten, the answer is Taobao. But sometimes you stumble across something that you can’t imagine anybody would ever need or want. Without further ado, here’s our list of seven of the weirdest things ever sold on Taobao.
There’s no denying that a real, working dog translator would transform society. What most owners would give to know why their dog is wining? Or why they won’t eat their food? That being said, it’s hard not to be doubtful that such a device is possible.
The Taobao vendor is very serious about their product, however, claiming that they have done extensive research with dog owners, pet shops and vets to gather feedback on dog behavior and sounds to incorporate into their gadget.
The dog translator retails at around RMB300, but whether it works as well as the one that Dug the Dog wears in Up! remains to be seen…SQUIRREL!
It does exactly what it says on the bottle… the only question remaining is why would anyone buy one?
Perhaps it could be bought by a school kid looking to play a prank on a classmate? Although I would argue the classic whoopee cushion is funnier and more hygienic. There’s always a chance that these bottled farts are appealing to a very niche market with a questionable kink, but that doesn’t bear too much thinking about.
Maybe the real question is, whose job is it to bottle these farts? Possibly one to leave off the CV…
From farts in bottles to nuclear reactors, Taobao really does cater for all tastes. Listed by a vendor in Shandong, mini-nuclear fission reactors are now available to Bond villains for just RMB89,900.
The listing does warn that “no terrorist organizations” should buy it, though, so sleep easy tonight. Unsurprisingly, the listing was withdrawn after it drew some media attention. When it comes to finding a bargain online, it's always about being in the right place at the right time…
I suppose it was inevitable really, but there are vendors on Taobao from whom you can rent a boyfriend or girlfriend. What a time to be alive!
Vendors offer a wide variety of services, so it depends on just how far down this particularly rabbit hole you want to go. It can be anything from having some cute guy call you every day to ask you how your day was, to having a beautiful girl escort you back to your hometown for Chinese New Year to impress your parents and the neighbors.
Taking care of a baby is hard work. So is keeping the house tidy. Taking care of a baby AND keeping the house tidy? Nigh on impossible! Do not fret, though. One Taobao vendor has found the perfect solution.
The Baby Mop Onesie is a nice snug baby onesie that also acts as a mop for the floor. As your baby crawls around the floor in its cosy onesie, the little bristles on the underside of their arms and legs will clear up all the dirt and dust for you (or at least move it around).
One word of advice: you might want to watch out for Child Services if anyone finds you using this one.
They say nothing you wear is more important than your smile. In which case, you'd better make sure it is right! Thank god for the Taobao vendor selling the Smile Corrector, then.
It may look like some sort of scary device taken from a Victorian medical book, but apparently, this plastic wedge that you shove in your gob to force your smile in the right direction is one of today’s must-have beauty gadgets.
Smile Correctors retail at less than RMB100, but some may argue that the perfect smile is priceless.
This entry is a bit of cheat, as the planes were actually listed on Alibaba’s auction site, not Taobao, but I’m sure you’ll forgive us this small discretion in the name of bringing you something really quite ridiculous.
Three Boeing 747 jets went up for sale on Alibaba in 2017 after the Jade Cargo airfreight company went bankrupt. Any opportunistic buyer thinking of picking up a bargain would probably have been disheartened by the asking price of RMB135,000,000.
What other nutty stuff have you seen (or even bought) on Taobao? Tell us about it in the comments section below.
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Keywords: weird things on Taobao
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Tao Bao and JD both sell weird things, like bugs to eat, every part of a pig, including the fetus, and freshly butchered porcupine! Does anyone on this website actually do editing? Spelling and grammar mistakes are particularly annoying. Like the word particularly, which is used incorrectly in this article. There are 14 to 18 mistakes in this article, depending on how you like your English.
Apr 13, 2019 20:24 Report Abuse