China and Chinese culture have been confounding foreigners for centuries. While it’s no longer appropriate to call the Chinese “inscrutable,” as they were once dubbed by colonials, certain aspects of Chinese society remain difficult for outsiders to understand. Here, I examine four cultural and social phenomena that expats in China often find hard to accept.
1) Casual corruption
Chinese people generally take a pragmatic view of corruption. It is often seen as a byproduct of a culture that rewards personal connections, favors, and getting ahead by any means necessary. Most Westerners, however, find it hard to accept the academic dishonesty prevalent in Chinese schools, the tendency for companies to hire and promote based on personal connections rather than merit, and how criminals can literally get away with murder if their father knows the chief of police.
While ethically questionable situations like these exist in the West as well, they aren’t nearly as accepted or expected. Most Westerners would be shocked to hear that parents paid off a school principal to change their child’s grades, whereas a Chinese person hearing the same story might simply shrug in cynicism.
Few Chinese people would argue that corruption is good, but many recognize what it takes to get ahead in a country of this size. Similarly, foreigners trying to do business in China often adapt to the norms, hosting fancy, baijiu-fueled dinners for the connections who can make things happen. While these under-the-table methods are difficult for some outsiders to grasp, they are often quickly adopted by those determined to succeed.
2) Marriage math
Chinese pragmatism extends beyond business, often intruding on that holiest of institutions: love. Most Westerners, even jaded cynics, take an innately romantic view of marriage. We believe it should be based on love and find the practical Chinese view of marriage as a mutually beneficial arrangement hard to accept.
For example, a Chinese man might propose to a woman knowing full well she doesn’t love him. She, knowing the same, might still accept if he has a good job, a house, and a car. Many Chinese men wouldn’t even dream of proposing without this portfolio of assets—seen by many as the bare minimum for marriage.
Our hypothetical Chinese groom would expect loyalty and might hope feelings will grow eventually. However, he likely wouldn’t be offended if he knew his girlfriend valued his wealth above all else. By the same token, he was probably conscious of status when choosing his partner.
Hukou, a kind of city passport dictating where one can access education and social services, is also a significant factor in relationships. Someone with a hukou for a major city is automatically considered a desirable match. While a Chinese man might marry slightly beneath his status, it’s almost unheard of for an educated city woman to marry a man from a peasant background.
To Westerners, this pragmatic intrusion of finances and class into love often feels unromantic. While Western women might prefer a man with a stable job and a house, few would outright say they wouldn’t marry someone earning below a specific salary. These differences in attitude often lead to misunderstandings and heartbreak between foreign-Chinese couples.
3) Communication curveballs
Many expats in China frequently complain that Chinese people won’t just say what they mean. If your boss says she’ll discuss an issue “later,” she might not intend to discuss it at all. “Maybe” often means “no,” and “impossible” might simply mean that the person doesn’t know how to, or doesn’t want to, help.
This indirectness can be incredibly frustrating, leaving some foreigners thinking Chinese people can’t be trusted. Westerners, particularly Americans, tend to be more direct. If your boss doesn’t like your idea, he’ll probably say so. If there’s no chance of getting Thursday off, HR is likely to tell you outright rather than stalling until Friday.
The reasons behind these communication differences are complex but often rooted in all-important concept of “face.” No one wants to lose face or cause others to lose it, so a vague response is often the safest option. For instance, the person you’re speaking to might lack the authority to make a decision but won’t admit it.
Another factor is the strong emphasis on bargaining and negotiation in Chinese culture, especially in business. Committing to a position too early can weaken your negotiating power. So, if you’re struggling to get a straight answer from a Chinese boss or client, it’s likely due to cultural norms rather than dishonesty.
4) Ladder culture
Chinese society is often likened to a ladder, with people on every rung trying to climb higher. Everyone knows their position and has superiors and inferiors.
This “ladder culture” dates back to Confucian times, when society was rigidly stratified and roles were dictated social class. It may seem strange that this rigid hierarchy persists despite a communist revolution aimed at removing social classes. Yet, in some ways, capitalist societies are more egalitarian.
While class influences Western societies differently, China’s ladder culture pervades everyday life. People tend to follow superiors blindly, and individual, outside-the-box thinking is not traditionally encouraged. From kindergarten, children are taught to listen to their teachers and emulate model students rather than think creatively. Adults often do the same in the workplace.
Some Westerners struggle to understand why Chinese people value the hierarchy so much, especially when it seems oppressive. However, for many, ladder culture is simply a way of life—something present in all societies, whether or not we overtly acknowledge it. To be fair, they have a point.
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Keywords: Expats in China
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