Foreigners living in China will undoubtedly find that certain elements of life here occasionally irritate them to the point where they feel compelled to express their frustrations to Chinese friends, colleagues or classmates. However, being overly critical of China in front of its citizens can immediately sour any conversation and affect your relationships. So, how can you speak your mind without suffering any blowback? Here are my tips on how to complain about China without losing Chinese friends.

 

A few years ago, I found myself in hot water after giving a presentation on the relatively sensitive topic of Chinese governance and public policy. When one of the Chinese scholars in the audience asked me to clarify what exactly I thought was wrong with the status quo, my response was, “The backbone of Chinese society is inherently corrupt.” I was, of course, referring to the prevalent gifting culture and reliance on guanxi that can heavily compromise the efficiency of public offices and businesses. But the way I said it clearly conveyed a different message: I, a foreigner, know more about your country than you, and I think your culture is the cause of all your problems.

Needless to say, my comments didn’t go down well. Thankfully, a Chinese advisor who had helped with my research jumped to my defence and helped deflect some of the (deservedly) harsh criticism coming my way. One is not always so lucky!

Chinese people are famously patriotic and, arguably, becoming more so. Much of the younger generation, having never known anything but a prosperous China, finds the seemingly endless and baseless Western criticism unpalatable at best and enraging at worst.

That doesn’t mean you need to bite your tongue and fall in line. Chinese people can be open to criticism of their country and government, but the right approach is crucial. Whether you’re tired of dealing with squat toilets or frustrated by mindless bureaucracy, the following approach, while not applicable to every situation, is a great starting point for getting your Chinese friends and colleagues to hear and (possibly) accept your criticisms.

Pick your battles

Before you even think about criticising China, make sure you’re not in a glass house throwing stones. A common Chinese response to criticism is, “Fix your own country’s [insert similar problem] before you criticise us.” If your government is anything but squeaky clean on the issue you’re raising, expect to hear about it.

Know what the hell you’re talking about

It may seem obvious, but it’s worth stating that you should have at least a working knowledge of what you’re talking about before entering into an argument with a Chinese person. Although the Chinese educational system gets a lot of flak, one benefit of relying on rote memorisation is that students come away with a near-encyclopaedic knowledge of both Chinese and Western history. You may find your adversary quick to bring up counterexamples from your country’s past that make your argument look a little flimsy. You probably don’t know the major foreign policies of the 37th president of the United States, but they might.

Own up to your country’s mistakes

Following the above two points, it’s a good idea to front-load your argument by acknowledging similar wrongs committed by your own country. If you isolate China as the only country to have ever done anything wrong, you will immediately put your adversary on the defensive. A lack of humility about your own country’s dirty laundry will cause your opponent to stop taking you seriously. It’s better to address this early on—it prevents it from seeming like an afterthought and allows you to beat them to the punch!

Kill them with kindness

Did your mother ever tell you to “kill your enemies with kindness” or that “you’ll catch more flies with honey”? While many of us were raised on such sound advice, few foreigners in China use this method during a BCD (Bad China Day). Though it may not be satisfying to start an argument so indirectly, this step is essential in a land where maintaining “face” is everything.

Here are some pre-criticism compliments that I’ve found help soften the blow when I’m venting about China:

1. “China has the world’s longest unbroken history, and it’s glorious!”
2. “China’s incredibly rapid economic development is truly remarkable!”
3. “The Chinese government has done an amazing job improving the quality of life for most Chinese people.”
4. “Even though China is still a developing country, it has one of the largest economies in the world. That’s incredible!”

Hop up on that soapbox and criticise away!

Congratulations! You’re finally ready to criticise China in front of a native. Once you’ve reached this point, remember that the same basic rules of engagement apply here as they would at home. A calm demeanour, combined with a well-reasoned, evidence-based argument, is your best bet for getting your points heard and accepted by the Chinese side. No matter how much pushback you get, don’t lose your temper. In China, the first person to get angry is often considered the loser of the argument.

Don’t forget the last slice of bread

The “sh*t sandwich” method, where you sandwich criticism between two compliments, is a way of life in China. As a final step in your argument, it’s always a good idea to offer some encouraging, hopeful remarks about how China can (and will) fix whatever issue you’re addressing. A popular way to help your debating partner save face is to suggest that China can learn from the past mistakes of the West.

Boom! Criticism (possibly) accepted!

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