Post-COVID, China has once again become a beacon of hope for professionals seeking that "I speak Mandarin" edge and for discouraged Westerners looking east for a brighter horizon. If that describes you before arriving here, you might relate to what I affectionately term "GAGS"—Grass is Always Greener Syndrome. Here’s my guide to shedding the burden of negativity as an expat in China.

What is GAGS?

GAGS is characterized by high levels of homesickness, a refusal to live in the moment and constant low-grade anxiety about getting "stuck" in China. Symptoms include doomscrolling, China-bashing, expat intolerance and Facebook Friends Dysmorphic Disorder—the feeling that all your friends back home are thriving in "real" careers, finding "The One" and starting families while you’re treading water out east.

Why am I here?

That’s the million-dollar question. Now that I've fully settled into my role as an English teacher in China, it’s more obvious than ever that this isn’t the right career for me. Some days, I think I should just move back home. I wonder about all the opportunities I must be missing while I stay here doing a job I’m not passionate about. I ask myself, “Am I screwing myself over by staying? Do I have an expiration date? Is teaching in China professional quicksand? Will I become an 'Old China Hand' if I don't leave soon?"

Such questions are admittedly a bit dramatic. I’m here because I chose to be here, and I can choose to leave whenever I… choose. Sure, I’d have to face reverse culture shock and a daunting job hunt in a market I’ve been out of for years, but I can't deny that I have choices—something many people don’t have.

Coping mechanisms

Learning how to cope with GAGS is no small task, as the main symptoms of homesickness and anxiety are fueled simply by being here. For many expats, prolonged China-bashing becomes the medication of choice. It’s been said before, but expat complaining sessions are not going to win you any friends in China. Locking yourself away in an expat bubble after tiring of "cultural differences" isn’t a healthy coping mechanism either. And drowning your frustrations in cheap beer and baijiu rarely leads to life satisfaction.

I’d be insincere if I didn’t admit that all three of these "treatments" sometimes make me feel better in the short term. Some of the things that frustrate me most about living in China are beyond my control and unlikely to change anytime soon. So, what else can I do? But here’s the caveat: negativity breeds negativity.

On an intellectual level, I know things wouldn’t necessarily be better back home. It would be foolish to think that for at least two reasons: One, I’m here because things aren’t perfect back home. Two, as an American, I share responsibility for my own culture’s shortcomings. From experience, I know the novelty of being back in my home country with my own people fades fast.

Taking back control

It’s natural to criticize other societies more harshly than our own, but while self-flagellation is unnecessary and unhelpful, we should all make an effort to approach life—wherever we are—without negativity.

Most of what annoys me about China are things I cannot change, either because I don’t have the right or the power. But in terms of my experience of living here, I am 100% in control. Given this agency and the choice I make every day not to book the next flight home, I’d be wasting my time if I didn’t make an effort to let go and have some fun.

"Easier said than done," you might say on a particularly Bad China Day, but that’s classic GAGS negativity talking. Dwelling on China’s shortcomings and your anxieties about getting stuck is massively self-perpetuating. Positivity, on the other hand, can be a powerful antidote.

Practicing China-affirmation

If you instinctively recoil at the phrase "be positive," consider this: positivity doesn’t have to be apologetic or unrealistic. Like self-affirmation, being positive is an exercise of will.

Psychologists believe affirmative thinking is a powerful tool in finding satisfaction with oneself. Actively seeking reasons to like ourselves, no matter what’s going on, is a skill that needs honing and practice. It doesn’t have to lead to arrogance or denial of faults. All it takes is a little positivity and the willingness to accept that no one is perfect, and what we have to offer has worth.

If you feel like you could use a fresh perspective on your life in China, why not try China-affirmation? This means taking stock of China and your experiences here and making an effort to find the positives. While self-affirmation means refusing to feel "stuck" with who you are, China-affirmation means refusing to feel "stuck" with where you are. It’s about embracing your own agency and living in the now so that at the end of each day, month or year, you can positively answer the question, "Why am I here?"

So… Why AM I here?

Everyone’s China-affirmations will be different, but here are mine:

I am here because I still enjoy wrestling with the tangle of social and political contradictions between China and America. I am here because I still like the flavor of Chinese optimism (and Chinese food!). I am here because I still want to learn more Mandarin. I am here because trying to understand whether the distinction between "Chinese" and "American" is useful continues to challenge and thrill me.

When I weigh the pros and cons of staying in China another day, I find many reasons to affirm my decision to embrace my life here. The day the scales tip the other way, I will leave—because I can. Until then, I’ve committed to taking control of my experience and enjoying it, free from the burden of negativity that seems to encumber some long-term expats.

When I do go home, which I believe I will one day, I know one thing: coping with GAGS, China disasters, and painfully awkward interactions will have value beyond just being good stories.

Now have a tool to combat that inevitable glance-over-the-shoulder when I get back on American soil and think, "Gee, the grass sure does look green over in China." I’ll know that only the burden of negativity can stop me from enjoying my life, whether at home or abroad.

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Keywords: expat in China